I had all three children within the span of one year
Today I am 33 years old and have three children. I had all three children within the span of one year. My husband and I adopted our older two from Ethiopia. They are beautiful, kind, smart clever girls but I was young and thoroughly overwhelmed. I thought I was a horrible mother but really still wanted to have another baby. I can’t explain why. Maybe because our oldest two were not babies when they came home, but I think it was also because I was disappointed that these children were leaving me less than fulfilled. I couldn’t return to work and I had no time for balance in my life. I had no perspective and thought another child, this time a baby, would fill a need. In hindsight I probably had post-adoption depression. But needless to say, we got pregnant and our youngest was born just one year after we brought our first two home. After an exhausting three years my body caught up with these choices and I got severely depressed, had intense insomnia and anxiety. Now with some meds I have been able to gain some perspective on everything. I see that I need to maintain a sense of self, I see that being a good mother doesn’t take constant vigilance. In this anxiety I thought I was failing my children, which of course just spiraled the whole problem. But all of this really needs to be examined through my anxiety about not becoming my own mother.
